EXCUSE 4: I’M NOT ENOUGH TO SUCCEED
I’ve talked a lot in my writings and my speaking about my lifelong battle with not feeling good enough. It is one of the topics I get the most notes about, so I know I’m not alone with those insecurities. For many of us, the list of not enough comes in every size and shape. We battle with feelings of lack in almost every major area of our lives. But it’s a whole different ball game when we are setting out to achieve something we’re unsure we can actually do.
The lack of enough in other areas of our lives is hard as it is. I’m not pretty enough to find a spouse. I’m not thin enough to be beautiful. I’m not old enough to pursue that. I’m not young enough to pursue this. We’re already grappling with feeling like we’re not enough simply in our existence, and now we’ve got to throw a goal out in front of us. Are the insecurities we feel about regular life sup-posed to be absent in this area? Of course not! In fact, when we set out to pursue something, we’re often dealing with our fear of what we lack multiplied by a factor of nine million.
You think you’re not fit enough in general, and now you’re supposed to run a half marathon? You think you’re not smart enough in school, but somehow you’re going to build a successful business? You think you’re not dedicated enough, but you’re going to attempt writing a book? And so, what happens too often is that you subconsciously decide that you’re going to fail before you ever even attempt to succeed. The irony, of course, is that the thing you’re attempting to take on might be the exact thing that proves your misconceptions about yourself wrong. If you successfully run the half marathon, it would affect the way you feel about what your body is capable of. If you build an incredible business, it would adjust your beliefs about how smart you are. If you stick with it and finally finish that manuscript, it would prove that you are dedicated. It’s a catch-22, because your feelings of not enough keep you from proving to yourself that you are. You haven’t yet achieved the things you hope for, and so you decide that you’re unable to.
Why do we treat only certain areas of our lives this way? When you fall down while trying to learn to walk as a toddler, you don’t stay down. You get right back up and try again. The first time you drove a car, you were probably scared and nervous and holding on to the steering wheel with a kung-fu grip and a proper placement at ten and two. Nowadays you could likely steer with your left knee while handing a sippy cup to someone in the back seat without missing a single word of the Dora the Explorer soundtrack you’ve got on repeat for school drop-off. We fail and slip up and screw up and fall down over and over again in our youth, and yet we keep on going. But ask a thirty-seven-year-old woman to take up CrossFit for the first time, and she’ll immediately start to imagine all the reasons she’ll suck at it, and before she knows it, she’s talked herself out of even trying a single time.
I think this is because the younger you are, the more failure is expected and the less aware you are of what other people might think if you fall. But, girl, the things you’re attempting to do now aren’t things that you’ve accomplished before, so they should get toddler status. It’s not that you’re not enough to cross the finish line; it’s just that you haven’t yet figured out how to run this particular race.
But I get it. This is something I have also struggled with. The thing that has hindered me from chasing down one of my biggest goals in life has been the belief that I’m not smart enough to build a big business. Or I guess I should say that I’ve felt like I’m not educated enough. When I admit that, it tends to surprise people, I suppose because I recognized this limiting belief years ago and have since worked hard to shift my perception of myself. You see, anytime we feel lacking, the only way to successfully fight back against that lie is with a truth that makes it irrelevant.
About the book:
Rachel Hollis has seen it too often: women not living into their full potential. They feel a tugging on their hearts for something more, but they’re afraid of embarrassment, of falling short of perfection, of not being enough.
In Girl, Stop Apologizing, #1 New York Times bestselling author and founder of a multimillion-dollar media company, Rachel Hollis sounds a wake-up call. She knows that many women have been taught to define themselves in light of other people—whether as wife, mother, daughter, or employee—instead of learning how to own who they are and what they want. With a challenge to women everywhere to stop talking themselves out of their dreams, Hollis identifies the excuses to let go of, the behaviors to adopt, and the skills to acquire on the path to growth, confidence, and believing in yourself.
About the author:
Rachel Hollis is a #1 New York Times and #1 USA Today bestselling author, a top business podcaster, and one of the most sought-after motivational speakers in the world. As a bestselling author and wildly successful lifestyle influencer, she has built a global social media fanbase in the millions. She’s a proud working mama of four and a big fan of the small town in Texas hill country that the Hollis family calls home.
Hang out with her on Instagram (her favorite social!) @MsRachelHollis. To find out more about ALL the things, head to TheHollisCo.com.